Dorothy Parker quotes

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just …Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

Witty Humor Short

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it …If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

People God Humor Money

They sicken of the calm who know the …They sicken of the calm who know the storm.

Poetry Women Action

I hate writing, I love having …I hate writing, I love having written.

Witty Humor Writer Writing

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: 'Wherever she went, including here, it …That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: 'Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.'

Humor

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out …The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires

Children Humor

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the …Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Humor Short Beauty

Don't look at me in that tone of …Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Humor Short

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of …That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

Insult Humor

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their …Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.

Friendship

Brevity is the soul of …Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

Humor

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do …If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.

Funny Writing



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Dorothy Parker Humor quotes ⇑


Humor Quotes
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at …I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Humor Funny Witty



All Dorothy Parker quotes ⇑


A hangover is the wrath of …A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Short Humor

I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and …I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Romance Expectation Humor

She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him …She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.

Short

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in …This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her …You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my …Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one …It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

Short

If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, …If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.

Pleasure

Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice …Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.