Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
I know not with what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt
If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.
Funny + Witty quotes ⇑Funny Quotes
In the universities somehow the faces are longer; maybe it's the weight of knowledge or something.
Our presence here is just for a short period of time. We do not have to shorten it by fighting each other
I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.
True love is felonious... You take someone's breath away... You rob them of the ability to utter a single word... You steal a heart.
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
It's easier to love God because it's always easy to love somebody who is not here now, it's so easy. But if you have to love somebody who is sitting next to you right now, it costs life
Once you have a child it's a twenty year project. That is if they do well, if they don't do well it's a lifelong project
Short + Witty quotes ⇑Short Quotes
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
The intellect is like a knife - the sharper, the better. As long as you know how to handle it.
The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.
She is very clever, too clever for a woman. She lacks the indefinable charm of weakness.
I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.
Passion is like gasoline in the tank, but you also need a steering wheel to go where you want to go
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Give up trying to make me give up
Humor + Witty quotes ⇑Humor Quotes
I may not agree with you, but I will defend to the death your right to make an ass of yourself.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.
I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
A woman, especially if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn.
Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.
Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
Alec: "How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?", Isabelle: "I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt."
Now, the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. This was said by gene wilder... what does it mean?
All Witty Quotes ⇑
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Desire is not the source of all misery, unfulfilled desire is the source of all misery.
if you are going to make people around you joyful and relieved only when you die, that's not a good way to live.
Whatever happens, you getting depressed is not a solution. You getting depressed would be one more problem
If you nurture the root, you don't have to bother about the fruit - it will come naturally.
You don't have to be better than everyone else, but you have to be at your best.
New is a trap, old is a cesspool. If you jump out of the cesspool into a new trap, that's not going to help
You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.
It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.
Love thy neighbor -- and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.
How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.
More conflict is happening within the four walls of the homes than is happening anywhere on the planet. Only thing is bombs are not exploding so you don't hear it. They may be giving each other silent treatment.
You cannot rise in love, you cannot stand in love, you cannot fly in love, you have to fall. Something of you should fall, otherwise it will not work. You will not know it.
When you were 3-4 years of age you're 100% for marriage, not yours your parents', again when you become 45-50 again you're 100% for marriage, but between 18-35 you're questioning the whole process. Because where the physical body is dominant, at that time if you give in to that then it will question every institution
Fear means you're producing horror movies in your mind. Tch.. Nobody else is willing to watch. That's bad for the producer, but you are producing them. So, you produce something else - produce a comedy, a love story..
People think teenage is problem, middle age is problem, old age is problem. What is not the problem? Only death.
Loosen up a bit - laugh more, get involved with people around you, do simple things. If you only do very important things, you will become dead serious
If you learn to laugh at your own stupidity, all your crap will turn into manure very fast. And manure is good for growth
Whether I keep you half alive or you keep yourself half alive, whichever way- it's torture
You don't have to please anybody in this world, if you are truly joyful everybody is pleased by you
Contentment is a poor substitute for joy. It means you have given up on the possibility of living joyfully
To love the person who is next to you is the biggest challenge. To love somebody who is not here is always easy
Before you and I came here on this planet, a countless number of people have walked on this planet, where are they? All topsoil. You will also be topsoil unless someone buries you real deep fearing you may rise from the dead
Yet each man kills the thing he loves, By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword
Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.
You must have a cigarette. A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?
"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." I really hate this expression. I bet fish would totally want bicycles.
If you are a believer, you know your God is waiting for you when you die, why don't you go? why are you delaying your progress towards God by going to hospitals? It is because you are not a true believer
You people are cutting people's bodies; this is like murder but with good intention. If the consequence is good it's called a surgery, if consequence is bad it's called a murder, isn't it? Same knife.
You give your problems too many names because you like to decorate your problems. If you decorate your problems you may not want to get rid of them.
There are over hundred billion galaxies, not hundred billion stars; In such a huge vast cosmos our solar system is like a speck. Tomorrow morning if the whole solar system evaporates, nobody is going to miss it. In that super speck, right now Chennai is a micro super speck. In that you are a big man - that is the whole problem
In my experience I am the richest person on the planet. Maybe I don't have a bank balance but I own the whole cosmos within myself in my experience. I have the richest experience of life and this is important
Do you know what it takes to remain uneducated? Education is just twenty years of going somewhere and getting one certificate. To remain uneducated, it's very difficult because from the day you're born, your parents, every other adult, the school - everybody is trying to educate you about something that's not worked in their life
Now you're calling your success with somebody as love, that's a mistake. You have a success story with somebody - that is, you have created pleasantness in the atmosphere between you and the other person. You're calling that love; no that is actually success because that needs lots of management.
There's an enormous possibility on Facebook, you can even love those people who don't even exist
The most important thing that's happening to you right now is life itself, not the fancy thoughts you have, not the emotions you have, not financial arrangements, nor family or whatever rubbish you have built around you- these are accessories to life, these are all frills. Frills are so much you're missing the skirt, that's the whole problem with you
You need to look at why you want a break from work. If you were doing something that you truly care about, would you want a break?
When heaven-sellers lose the market, the drug-sellers will gain. In this cusp, making Humanity Conscious enough to experience nameless ecstasies of one's interiority is the challenge of our times
Let us create an absolutely selfish world. That means what I want for myself, I want for everyone in the world.
The choice is either you fix yourself or you try to fix the truth. With one you will attain to the highest, with the other you turn into trash
With age your aliveness need not go down. If it is going down, you're committing suicide in installments.
If you think you are big, you become small. If you know you are nothing, you become limitless.
Ultimate intelligence is when you know how to keep your intellect aside.
The moment you are born, you have a death sentence upon you. When, where and how is the only question. Your death is confirmed.
If you lose your humanity just because someone is doing something stupid in the world, have you done any good to yourself or the world that you live in?
[About Sexuality] First thing, you make something which is so simple and basic into right and wrong. Then you want to find a philosophy to subvert the wrong and still have it.
If you don't have a sense of involvement, you will always try to get the best deal out of somebody. That means you must meet the dumbest people in the world. Intelligent people will never bite your dumb deals.
Confidence and stupidity are a very dangerous combination, but they often go together.
I always found people coming out of restaurants have more joy on their faces than those coming out of a temple or church. What a shame that a dosa can do something more than the divine
If you are content with who you are right now, you are not aware who you could be if you were willing to strive.
Yoga makes old people young in terms of energy & rejuvenation; and young people old in terms of thought & wisdom
What meditation means is, in one way, you are just withdrawing the support for your personality.