Humor +
Insult quotes
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Humor Quotes
If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhoodHumor
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.Humor
In the depths of my heart, I can't help being convinced that my dear fellow men, with a few exceptions, are worthless.Humor Humanity
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?Humor Simile
You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.Humor
Look inside my soul and you can find gold and maybe get rich. Look inside of your soul and you can find out it never exists.Humor Soul
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.Humor
We almost made it to thirty seconds without an insult. I think we set a new record.Humor
Twitchy little ferret, aren't you, Malfoy?Humor
All insult Quotes ⇑
Why do boys say someone acts like a girl as if it were an insult?Short Humor
Remember it all, every insult, every tear. Tattoo it on the inside of your mind. In life, knowledge of poisons is essential. I've told you, nobody becomes an artist unless they have to.Life Mind
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.Politics Honesty
He wrapped himself in quotations - as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you...Freedom Humor
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.'
Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe.Simile
You've got about as much charm as a dead slug.Funny Short
I am not the one of us who has no heart.Heart
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.Short Laughter
They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.Funny Short
We have this weird thing in the world where you don't get insulted for what you do, you get insulted for who you are.Action World
In the newspapers there is insulting and stirring up hatred. Those irresponsible daubers!
He who is tranquil before friend and foe alike, and in encountering adoration and insult, and during the experiences of warmth and chill and of pleasure and suffering... that person is dear to MeFriends Enemy Suffering Bhagavad gita
It is an insult to your Self to be born, live, and die without knowing the answer to the mystery of why you were sent here as a human being in the first place. To forget God is to miss the whole point of existenceGod
"Sir," she said, "you are no gentleman!" An apt observation, "he answered airily." And, you, Miss, are no lady.
Don't fool yourself, my dear. You're much worse than a bitch. You're a saint. Which shows why saints are dangerous and undesirable.
Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable? You have as much charisma as the rotting innards of unidentified roadkill.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.Short Humor
Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.Marriage Humor
I am going to knock the slut out of you. And that should take some doing, you uppity English tramp!
Ron... you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet.
Your hypocrisy insults my intelligence.Short
Michael Jackson's album was only called Bad because there wasn't enough room on the sleeve for Pathetic.Music
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. 
Myth is much more important and true than history. History is just journalism and you know how reliable that is. 
If your brains were dynamite there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off. 
The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd is the square root of the number of people in it. 
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. 
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one. 
Do not compare yourself to others. If you do so, you are insulting yourself. 
Are you proud of yourself tonight that you have insulted a total stranger whose circumstances you know nothing about? 
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. 
If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood 
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them. 
In the depths of my heart, I can't help being convinced that my dear fellow men, with a few exceptions, are worthless. 
You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet. 
Look inside my soul and you can find gold and maybe get rich. Look inside of your soul and you can find out it never exists. 
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more. 
We almost made it to thirty seconds without an insult. I think we set a new record. 
Twitchy little ferret, aren't you, Malfoy? 
Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.
Remember it all, every insult, every tear. Tattoo it on the inside of your mind. In life, knowledge of poisons is essential. I've told you, nobody becomes an artist unless they have to.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.
He wrapped himself in quotations - as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.'
Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe.
I am not the one of us who has no heart.
They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.
We have this weird thing in the world where you don't get insulted for what you do, you get insulted for who you are.
In the newspapers there is insulting and stirring up hatred. Those irresponsible daubers!
He who is tranquil before friend and foe alike, and in encountering adoration and insult, and during the experiences of warmth and chill and of pleasure and suffering... that person is dear to Me
It is an insult to your Self to be born, live, and die without knowing the answer to the mystery of why you were sent here as a human being in the first place. To forget God is to miss the whole point of existence
"Sir," she said, "you are no gentleman!" An apt observation, "he answered airily." And, you, Miss, are no lady.
Don't fool yourself, my dear. You're much worse than a bitch. You're a saint. Which shows why saints are dangerous and undesirable.
Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable? You have as much charisma as the rotting innards of unidentified roadkill.
Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I am going to knock the slut out of you. And that should take some doing, you uppity English tramp!
Ron... you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet.
Your hypocrisy insults my intelligence.
Michael Jackson's album was only called Bad because there wasn't enough room on the sleeve for Pathetic.