Sarcasm quotes

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them …Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Funny Science Humor Light

There is no corruption in India, where is corruption in India? there is only …There is no corruption in India, where is corruption in India? there is only Banditry

Funny Short

Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they …Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom

Universe Humans

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried …The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Funny Intelligence Universe

I am not young enough to know …I am not young enough to know everything.

Funny Short Witty Humor

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is …All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Life Short Success Humor

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have …One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

Life Philosophy Humor

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same …Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.

Music Romantic Humor

Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of …Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.

Marriage Humor

If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a …If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

Wisdom Opinion

there is no shortage of fault to be found amid our …there is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars

Sadness Human nature

I know how devastated you must be to miss me, but leave a message, and I'll try to ease your …I know how devastated you must be to miss me, but leave a message, and I'll try to ease your agony

Short Humor






Funny + Sarcasm quotes

Funny Quotes
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe …When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.

Funny Politics Belief

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really …You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

Funny Humor

Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise …Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real

Funny Humor

If you are a believer, you know your God is waiting for you when you die, why don't you go? why are …If you are a believer, you know your God is waiting for you when you die, why don't you go? why are you delaying your progress towards God by going to hospitals? It is because you are not a true believer

Funny God Religion Witty

If you get a headache, go for a foot surgery - then the foot will be aching more than the head - …If you get a headache, go for a foot surgery - then the foot will be aching more than the head - kind of fixed (this is how some people are handling situations)

Funny Life

You don't like faces, but you like the …You don't like faces, but you like the Facebook

Funny Short

It doesn't matter which religion, which nonsense you belong to, the moment you get God's stamp on …It doesn't matter which religion, which nonsense you belong to, the moment you get God's stamp on what you believe in, that's it, you don't have to apply your intelligence and see what you are doing with life

Funny God Religion Belief

Using yoga just as a therapy is like using an airplane as a …Using yoga just as a therapy is like using an airplane as a bus

Funny Short Witty Humor

Most people have not paid any attention to life because they're busy conquering the …Most people have not paid any attention to life because they're busy conquering the world

Funny Life Short People

Wrong sense of intelligence has entered people's minds, they think if they make a problem out of …Wrong sense of intelligence has entered people's minds, they think if they make a problem out of every solution they're intelligent, no no, if you find solutions for every problem- that is intelligence

Funny Problems Mind Intelligence



All sarcasm Quotes


I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me …I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.

Short Humor Attitude

Do you know what it takes to remain uneducated? Education is just twenty years of going somewhere …Do you know what it takes to remain uneducated? Education is just twenty years of going somewhere and getting one certificate. To remain uneducated, it's very difficult because from the day you're born, your parents, every other adult, the school - everybody is trying to educate you about something that's not worked in their life

Education Funny Witty

People are keeping account of their money as if they are going to carry it with …People are keeping account of their money as if they are going to carry it with them.

Humor Money

Sarcasm draws out the rebellious spirit and anger in the wrongdoer. Loving suggestions bring out …Sarcasm draws out the rebellious spirit and anger in the wrongdoer. Loving suggestions bring out the repentance in him

Love

If you get God's stamp on your philosophy, you don't have to turn back and look, you can just go on …If you get God's stamp on your philosophy, you don't have to turn back and look, you can just go on doing the same stupid thing endlessly. The moment you get God's stamp on your philosophy you don't have to use your intelligence anymore, you don't have to wonder what nonsense you are doing with your life

God Philosophy Religion Belief

Largely there's no education in the world. There are ancillary units, supplying cogs to the main …Largely there's no education in the world. There are ancillary units, supplying cogs to the main machine. Human beings are like fuel for a larger machine that we have created.

Education Humor Children Future

Every worm, every insect, every animal is working for the ecological wellbeing of the planet. Only …Every worm, every insect, every animal is working for the ecological wellbeing of the planet. Only we humans, who claim to be the most intelligent species here, are not doing that

Morality is necessary when spirituality is …Morality is necessary when spirituality is absent

Short Morality Spirituality

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for …If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Short Laughter Insult

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't …I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Witty Humor Knowledge

Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively …Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.

Imagination Short

It's fascinating. You know all these words, and they're all English, but when you string them …It's fascinating. You know all these words, and they're all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don't make any sense.

When did the future switch from being a promise to being a …When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?

Short Future

'Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm …'Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.

Short Humor

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his …I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

God Short Humor Creation

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what …I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Humor

I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the …I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the …True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

when violence happens to us, even the smallest violence - if somebody cut your little finger - it's …when violence happens to us, even the smallest violence - if somebody cut your little finger - it's excessive, even if they pull one hair out of your body it's excessive

Emotions

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in …Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Short Humor

Living better is not about digging up the planet and heaping it on your …Living better is not about digging up the planet and heaping it on your head

Life Short Truth One liners

Populism is what we call democracy when we don't like the …Populism is what we call democracy when we don't like the outcome

Given that the main function of universities these days is filtering and signaling, the best move …Given that the main function of universities these days is filtering and signaling, the best move is to get admitted to Stanford and then drop out

I don't profess any religion; I don't think it's possible that there is a God; I have the greatest …I don't profess any religion; I don't think it's possible that there is a God; I have the greatest difficulty in understanding what is meant by the words 'spiritual' or 'spirituality.'

God Religion Spirituality Possibility

I cannot speak well enough to be …I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.

Humor

'I don't like this.' 'To be fair, Matthias, you don't like …"I don't like this." "To be fair, Matthias, you don't like much."

Humor

Thank you for explaining that my eye cancer isn't going to make me deaf. I feel so fortunate that …Thank you for explaining that my eye cancer isn't going to make me deaf. I feel so fortunate that an intellectual giant like yourself would deign to operate on me.

Humor

What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of …What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed.

Humor