Funny +
Sarcasm quotes
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Funny Quotes
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.Funny Politics Belief
You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.Funny Humor
Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is realFunny Humor
If you are a believer, you know your God is waiting for you when you die, why don't you go? why are you delaying your progress towards God by going to hospitals? It is because you are not a true believerFunny God Religion Witty
If you get a headache, go for a foot surgery - then the foot will be aching more than the head - kind of fixed (this is how some people are handling situations)Funny Life
You don't like faces, but you like the FacebookFunny Short
It doesn't matter which religion, which nonsense you belong to, the moment you get God's stamp on what you believe in, that's it, you don't have to apply your intelligence and see what you are doing with lifeFunny God Religion Belief
Most people have not paid any attention to life because they're busy conquering the worldFunny Life Short People
Wrong sense of intelligence has entered people's minds, they think if they make a problem out of every solution they're intelligent, no no, if you find solutions for every problem- that is intelligenceFunny Problems Mind Intelligence
All sarcasm Quotes ⇑
Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.Marriage Humor
Sarcasm draws out the rebellious spirit and anger in the wrongdoer. Loving suggestions bring out the repentance in himLove
It's fascinating. You know all these words, and they're all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don't make any sense.
When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?Short Future
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.Witty Humor Knowledge
'Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.Short Humor
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?Humor
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.Short Laughter Insult
People are keeping account of their money as if they are going to carry it with them.Humor Money
Do you know what it takes to remain uneducated? Education is just twenty years of going somewhere and getting one certificate. To remain uneducated, it's very difficult because from the day you're born, your parents, every other adult, the school - everybody is trying to educate you about something that's not worked in their lifeEducation Funny Witty
If you get God's stamp on your philosophy, you don't have to turn back and look, you can just go on doing the same stupid thing endlessly. The moment you get God's stamp on your philosophy you don't have to use your intelligence anymore, you don't have to wonder what nonsense you are doing with your lifeGod Philosophy Religion Belief
Largely there's no education in the world. There are ancillary units, supplying cogs to the main machine. Human beings are like fuel for a larger machine that we have created.Education Humor Children Future
Every worm, every insect, every animal is working for the ecological wellbeing of the planet. Only we humans, who claim to be the most intelligent species here, are not doing that
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.
Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.Short Humor
when violence happens to us, even the smallest violence - if somebody cut your little finger - it's excessive, even if they pull one hair out of your body it's excessiveEmotions
Populism is what we call democracy when we don't like the outcome
Given that the main function of universities these days is filtering and signaling, the best move is to get admitted to Stanford and then drop out
I don't profess any religion; I don't think it's possible that there is a God; I have the greatest difficulty in understanding what is meant by the words 'spiritual' or 'spirituality.'God Religion Spirituality Possibility
I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.Humor
"I don't like this." "To be fair, Matthias, you don't like much."Humor
Thank you for explaining that my eye cancer isn't going to make me deaf. I feel so fortunate that an intellectual giant like yourself would deign to operate on me.Humor
What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed.Humor
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 
Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom 
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. 
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. 
I know how devastated you must be to miss me, but leave a message, and I'll try to ease your agony 
there is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars 
If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. 
Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays. 
One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us. 
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it. 
Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real 
If you are a believer, you know your God is waiting for you when you die, why don't you go? why are you delaying your progress towards God by going to hospitals? It is because you are not a true believer 
If you get a headache, go for a foot surgery - then the foot will be aching more than the head - kind of fixed (this is how some people are handling situations) 
It doesn't matter which religion, which nonsense you belong to, the moment you get God's stamp on what you believe in, that's it, you don't have to apply your intelligence and see what you are doing with life 
Most people have not paid any attention to life because they're busy conquering the world 
Wrong sense of intelligence has entered people's minds, they think if they make a problem out of every solution they're intelligent, no no, if you find solutions for every problem- that is intelligence 
Sarcasm draws out the rebellious spirit and anger in the wrongdoer. Loving suggestions bring out the repentance in him
Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.
It's fascinating. You know all these words, and they're all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don't make any sense.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Do you know what it takes to remain uneducated? Education is just twenty years of going somewhere and getting one certificate. To remain uneducated, it's very difficult because from the day you're born, your parents, every other adult, the school - everybody is trying to educate you about something that's not worked in their life
If you get God's stamp on your philosophy, you don't have to turn back and look, you can just go on doing the same stupid thing endlessly. The moment you get God's stamp on your philosophy you don't have to use your intelligence anymore, you don't have to wonder what nonsense you are doing with your life
Largely there's no education in the world. There are ancillary units, supplying cogs to the main machine. Human beings are like fuel for a larger machine that we have created.
Every worm, every insect, every animal is working for the ecological wellbeing of the planet. Only we humans, who claim to be the most intelligent species here, are not doing that
Morality is necessary when spirituality is absent
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.
when violence happens to us, even the smallest violence - if somebody cut your little finger - it's excessive, even if they pull one hair out of your body it's excessive
Living better is not about digging up the planet and heaping it on your head
Populism is what we call democracy when we don't like the outcome
Given that the main function of universities these days is filtering and signaling, the best move is to get admitted to Stanford and then drop out
I don't profess any religion; I don't think it's possible that there is a God; I have the greatest difficulty in understanding what is meant by the words 'spiritual' or 'spirituality.'
I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.
"I don't like this." "To be fair, Matthias, you don't like much."
Thank you for explaining that my eye cancer isn't going to make me deaf. I feel so fortunate that an intellectual giant like yourself would deign to operate on me.
What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed.