Bill Watterson quotes
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! 
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. 
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse. 
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. 
You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different. 
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice. 
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. 
You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. What mood is that? Last-minute panic. 
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. 
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends. Bill Watterson Funny quotes ⇑
Funny Quotes
Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse. 
I'm a misunderstood genius." "What's misunderstood?" "Nobody thinks I'm a genius." Bill Watterson Humor quotes ⇑
Humor Quotes
Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him? 
"The world isn't fair, Calvin." "I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?" 
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. 
All Bill Watterson quotes ⇑
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
'You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 'That's why animals are so soft and huggy.'
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
Life is like topography... There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure.
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.